woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Randomize
