Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Never underestimate the power of titties
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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