Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize