i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Randomize
