We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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