i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize