ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
