she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
