Me. At least after what I've been through.
Ketchup is God's man juice
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
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