He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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