Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Randomize
