Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Randomize
