So drunk its hurt
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
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