no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
