and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
