Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
