I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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