if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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