Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
