smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
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