i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
You took a bar mat shot.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
