Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I don't deserve a penis
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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