SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
My life is pants optional.
Randomize
