Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Randomize
