I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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