He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
third nipple confirmed
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
This couple is walking their pig around campus
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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