Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Randomize
