Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Randomize
