Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
you mean i was at the winter classic?
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
