he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
