all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
It's shark week go big or go home
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Randomize
