is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Randomize
