Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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