if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Randomize