dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
