Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize