Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Randomize
