I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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