i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
