god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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