He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Randomize
