After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
what day is it and did you see me today?
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Randomize
