I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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