doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
