You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
