My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize