If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
