If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Randomize
