Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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