I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Randomize
