Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
