I am spending my child support on dildos
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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