I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
