Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
