I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
