I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
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