need another drink. this is the easiest way
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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