I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Randomize