didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
