i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
