you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
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