My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
