alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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