I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
There r osticjed everywhere
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
