I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize