why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
