I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
you win again, gameday.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
