I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
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