Your face is a jimmy john
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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