I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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