Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Randomize
