don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
