Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
