I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
