I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I am one with the molecules
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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