Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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