remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
