Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
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