whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
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